Tagged: dating

Based on the comments, it seems I accidentally picked up a lot of asian male readers here. Not the audience I was originally going for but hey, it’s cool. Hi fella’s.

Since I have your attention let me give you ONE piece of advice for trying to pick up western girls.

Don’t be a pussy.

Okay? It’s that simple.

Maybe you think the western girls are goddesses with leagues of adoring fans and they would never talk to you, a lowly *whatever job you have* so you don’t dare talk to us.

Well, it’s not true. It’s surprisingly hard for us to meet a guy. Guys think we MUST have a bf, or we must get SOOOOO much attention, their effort would be wasted so they don’t even try. And every guy thinks that, so no guys try. And no one talks to us and we think no one likes us.

Maybe you think western women are more “open” and if they like you then they will talk to you first. Well, even me, a pretty progressive modern woman isn’t gonna make the first move. I will wait for the guy to talk to me first.

So talk to us. Don’t be a pussy. Don’t make excuses.

What’s the worst that can happen? We’ll say no? We’ll laugh at you? We’ll ignore you? Fine, yeah maybe those things can happen but does it end the world? Does your soul go directly to hell? Is your name and face immediately broadcast on every television station with the word “Loser” all over it?

No. Nothing happens. If a girl laughs, or says no, or whatever you feel a little embarrassed, a little disappointment but life goes on. No one else knows. She’ll forget quickly enough and so will you.

Meanwhile if you don’t say anything you don’t even have a chance at meeting a girl and all I hear is “Chinese guys don’t like me,” or “I don’t know how to meet any Chinese guys,” from my female friends who are willing to date Chinese guys but never meet any.

There’s no secret formula, no magic words to land a foreign chick in China. All you need to do is talk to us.

It’s that simple, kay?

The biggest hurdle I see when dating Chinese guys is age. All Chinese people have big pressure to marry young, so finding a single guy in their late 20’s or 30’s is virtually impossible.

But who the hell wants to date a 24-year-old?! Not me. Blech.

So when I meet a guy on one of those apps and his age is 30, I just kinda assume he’s married. I’m not a homewrecker or anything, but since I’m not looking for a serious relationship I take the “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach.

If a guy is dumb enough to mention a wife, or kids, then he gets deleted. (And what’s with the profile pictures in dating apps of guys with their kids? They think showing what a good father they are is a turn-on to women? Not for someone just looking for a fling it isn’t.)

Wedding stock photo

But if he’s smart enough to keep his answers vague, such as a “I have family in Shandong province,” then I can pretend to be naive and assume his “family” only includes his parents, aunts and uncles.

Cheating is seen differently here. In the beginning I would confront a guy who told me he was married but looking to hook-up. (Now I just delete them and move on.) The majority of times guys responses would be a bit baffled at my anger. “It’s fine,” they’d say. “My wife is in Xi’an/Kunming/Harbin. I don’t see her often.” Or, “My wife knows I have needs.”

And I’ve heard plenty of tales of pregnant women who not only allow, but encourage their husbands to go to prostitutes. “I can’t have sex with him while I’m pregnant and a man has needs, right?” is the sorry justification I’ve heard again and again. (And of course, this whole “acceptance of cheating” only goes one way. If a woman has an affair she is instantly shamed and divorced even if the man was openly unfaithful. Grrrrr. Fucking double standards.)

If I was a Chinese woman, or in a serious relationship that kind of thinking would never fly with me. But as a single woman, I guess it’s a loophole I can take advantage of.

So you either have to date young and inexperienced (and often immature as fuck) single guys, or deal with the fact that you are probably dating a married guy. Pick your poison.

subwayshereAll right, I might as well just come out with it then. Tell the juicy tidbits and all of my actual dating life at this exact moment. Although this first update will be decidedly unsexy. Which sucks for me.

So there are a few guys in my life right now, all at varying levels of dating. One of these guys is Korean. I’ve never hooked up with a Korean guy and this guy is good looking and cool to hang out with. We met in a bar, and have gone out three times now for dinner and drinks and by all accounts things have gone well.

Our second date ended with a bit of a make out session. And on our third date last night I figured we would keep the ball rolling. We had dinner, drinks, we were flirting and touchy and everything was right on track when he suggested we leave the bar. I was about to invite him back to my place when he said he was gonna catch a cab back to his home. A chaste hug on the street corner and he jumped into the cab.

WTF?! That was a bit abrupt for even the usually shy Chinese guys and this guys has been a bit outgoing. And this was our third date! And he’s the one that keeps asking me out. And paying for everything, and being very “gentlemany” while out (holds open doors, gets the waiters, gives me things first before he has them). He seems into me (he was the one that made the first move in our make out session) and yet 3 dates and nothing?! Is it a Korean culture thing? Does he just want to be friends? I don’t get it.

So we’ll see where this one goes, but I don’t have high hopes. Keep you updated.

If you want to be alone and sexless while your in Asia, then just tell yourself that "Asian guys won't ever date me." It's not true, but if it makes you feel better, than by all means keep lying to yourself.

If you want to be alone and sexless while your in Asia, then just tell yourself that “Asian guys won’t ever date me.” It’s not true, but if it makes you feel better, than by all means keep lying to yourself.

I read a recent entry at a blog called The Love Blender. It was about how foreign women are like unseen “ghosts” and have zero chance at finding a Taiwanese guy. Here’s a excerpt:

When this concept applies to Western women’s love life, things get tricky. While Taiwanese girls seem to be incredibly attracted to Western men, Taiwanese guys don’t even dare to look at Western girls. Perhaps they are too shy to approach what they perceive to be a strong, independent Western woman: on top of that, many Asian guys believe that Western women would never consider them as dating material, so they don’t even try.

At the same time, Western guys are busy exploring this new exotic dating world full of beautiful, slim and attractive Asian girls who can’t wait to be asked out by a Western guy. As a result, many Western women feel like they are left with zero dating option: local guys don’t even consider them, while Western guys are focused on local beauties. So whom are Western women supposed to date in Taiwan?

She continues to go on about how western women are all big and fat and no Taiwanese guy will ever want them.

Sigh……

I went to Taiwan for a three-week holiday and I banged TWO Taiwanese guys. I used one of my favorite dating apps, momo, and was overwhelmed with Taiwanese guys chatting with me. Even after the hook-up one guy talks to me regularly and has said he wished he could be in a serious relationship with me. Also, I met a British guy who wanted to get in my pants but I said no. So, In my three weeks I had lots of interest from local guys and foreigners in Taiwan.

 

And, to her other point, I am no small beauty. I’m American, and as such I am carrying an extra 30-pounds on my already, thick, Polish ancestor frame. Nobody has minded. In fact, I think it’s a selling point. There are millions of skinny girls with narrow waists and tiny boobs in Asia. It’s exotic and attractive to us westerners because it is so different. But for most Asian guys it’s the same ho-hum they have seen their whole lives. What there isn’t a ton of is bigger ladies with sensual curves and soft flesh. A lot of guys (asians) like that kind of body because it is something different and special. I know, because they have said as such.

What’s even worse is this girl wrote a scathing commentary about how western women can never find love in Asia, while actually already in a monogamous relationship!

I came to Taiwan with a boyfriend, so I didn’t need to look for a date here. However, I found myself wondering about Western girls who did not move to Taiwan with a partner:are they doomed to romantic abstinence?

So, she’s perpetuating this stereotype while actually having no personal experience?! Gah!!!!

Dating in Asia is just like dating in western countries. Nobody in America has a great dating experience of meeting perfect princes every time they go out. If these women were in their home countries they would say something like “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!” or some other trite saying before going out and meeting more people. They wouldn’t write off, say, every British as undateable and blame British guys for being British as the reason they aren’t having luck.

But in Asia, western women do that all the time. A western women will have a few bad experiences (or no experiences in the case of this woman) and write off an entire race of people as being totally undateable and warning western women they will be lonely, unlovable fat freaks if they come to Asia.

THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!!

Western women, you have some responsibility in dating as well. Maybe it feels better for you and your fragile self esteem to just blame the guys, blame the culture, for not liking you. But the truth is dating can be tricky and you usually date a lot more duds than winners. In any culture. There are some differences with dating in another country, but there are differences in every aspect of living abroad. If you can manage taking taxi’s, ordering food and having a job in another country, then you can manage dating as well.  Stop whining! 

 

Number one thing NOT to tell a foreign girl:

“I want a foreign girlfriend. Will you be my foreign girlfriend?” (Note: this is usually said before meeting face-to-face.)

Why it is stupid: No girl just wants to be a “foreign girl.” It’s fine to be attracted to a foreign girl, but all foreign girls are different, and saying you just want a “foreign girlfriend,” means you just want to show off, and could care less about her. I mean, I’m easy, but that’s too degrading even for me. I want you to want me to me. MY face, MY personality, MY boobs.

Number two thing NOT to tell a foreign girl:

“I want a foreign girlfriend. Can you introduce me to your friends?”

Yeah, seriously? Do I even have to explain why this is terrible? Seriously, if you say this to a girl, especially after meeting her on one of the hook-up apps, expect to be deleted right away. Not every guy has to want to have sex with me. But if you contact me on TanTan or Momo, then you better be into me, and not try to use me to get to better looking friends of mine.

I mean. Jeesh.

If you want ot be deleted and ensure you will never meet a foreign girl, then please, do exactly this.

If you want to be deleted and ensure you will never meet a foreign girl, then please, do exactly this. 

 

BarSo last night I went to a bar. This bar is a high-end Shanghai type bar, with 90 kuai overblown “fusion” cocktails with lots of passion fruit and sugar cubes set on fire. And a lot of foreigners. Asian women come for the western guys. This is not the first choice for Asian men, and I usually end up spending the night with my friends.

But, across the bar I noticed a table full of young guys. Just guys. Asian. And they were rowdy, and dancing, and seemed not at all the normal, quiet types.

I watched them for awhile, across the room, and liked their vibe. Dancing openly, arms up. Chatting animated and looking around the room, on the prowl.

But I knew, as a foreign woman, they wouldn’t approach me.  Luckily, next to this table of guys I saw a girl I had met one time, several months ago. I walked by as if I had somewhere else to go and pretended to suddenly see her.

“Hey! Remember me?!” I asked.

“Yeah!” she said excited throwing her arms around me. She was super drunk. Great. Musics pumping and we kinda dance as we yell into each others ears. I smile at her friends, dance with them. One of them hands me a drink. I’m in.

Slowly, I maneuver my way around the table so my back is next to these guys and I “accidentally” bump/dance into them. This gets one guys attention and he turns around to us and dances with us. Me and my new group of friends laugh, dance with him, we all raise our glasses and cheer. This one guy, the dancer, is my in but I got my eye on another one. As I’m lifting my glass to ‘cheer’ the dancer, I tap his friend on the shoulder, with my glass raised. I kinda look at him, tip my glass slightly in his direction with a smile.

He gets it. Comes over. “I’m Japanese!” he says with a handshake. Japanese! Turns out the whole table was. Score. I’ve never slept with a Japanese.

We chat, we dance. His friend, also cute, smiles. We dance, chat, drink. I leave behind the table with my in-between friends and I haven’t seen my actual friends since I started his hunt. Not to look too desperate or lonely I go back to my friends, chat. They’ve been eyeing me, kinda rolling their eyes in that “oh Sally,” kinda way. I wink.

For the next bit I go back and forth in between my friends and the table full of Japanese. They have two bottles of tequila in silver buckets (it couldn’t have been cheap). My first pick, a guy in a tucked in grey t-shirt, a hint of an unshaven beard and a shaved head, talks to me all night. Guessing 28. Puts his arm around me. Keeps shaking my hand for way too long. He asks for my WeChat. We yell into each others ears while talking, getting a little closer than necessary to actually hear. He says something about eating together in the following days. I agree.

It’s not that late, maybe 1:30, but the Japanese decide to leave. He hooks his arm around my waste and I put him arm around his shoulder.

“Can I kiss you?” He says. I say sure and he kisses my cheek.

“Can I kiss you again?” The same thing happens.

His friends are looking for one of his group who is gone. He continues to kiss my cheek, asking before each time. I think he’s gonna go for my mouth but never quite works up the courage. Still, most Chinese guys won’t even kiss me on the cheek on the first encounter so I think it’s good.

He texts me later. We text in the morning. I’m afraid of going down the rabbit hole of forever texting with no moves so after a quick chit-chat I ask him when he is going to take me out to dinner. Figure no sense in playing it coy. He asks me what day I’m free.

We’ll meet Wednesday night for dinner. Keep you updated.