Dating Married Chinese Guys

The biggest hurdle I see when dating Chinese guys is age. All Chinese people have big pressure to marry young, so finding a single guy in their late 20’s or 30’s is virtually impossible.

But who the hell wants to date a 24-year-old?! Not me. Blech.

So when I meet a guy on one of those apps and his age is 30, I just kinda assume he’s married. I’m not a homewrecker or anything, but since I’m not looking for a serious relationship I take the “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach.

If a guy is dumb enough to mention a wife, or kids, then he gets deleted. (And what’s with the profile pictures in dating apps of guys with their kids? They think showing what a good father they are is a turn-on to women? Not for someone just looking for a fling it isn’t.)

Wedding stock photo

But if he’s smart enough to keep his answers vague, such as a “I have family in Shandong province,” then I can pretend to be naive and assume his “family” only includes his parents, aunts and uncles.

Cheating is seen differently here. In the beginning I would confront a guy who told me he was married but looking to hook-up. (Now I just delete them and move on.) The majority of times guys responses would be a bit baffled at my anger. “It’s fine,” they’d say. “My wife is in Xi’an/Kunming/Harbin. I don’t see her often.” Or, “My wife knows I have needs.”

And I’ve heard plenty of tales of pregnant women who not only allow, but encourage their husbands to go to prostitutes. “I can’t have sex with him while I’m pregnant and a man has needs, right?” is the sorry justification I’ve heard again and again. (And of course, this whole “acceptance of cheating” only goes one way. If a woman has an affair she is instantly shamed and divorced even if the man was openly unfaithful. Grrrrr. Fucking double standards.)

If I was a Chinese woman, or in a serious relationship that kind of thinking would never fly with me. But as a single woman, I guess it’s a loophole I can take advantage of.

So you either have to date young and inexperienced (and often immature as fuck) single guys, or deal with the fact that you are probably dating a married guy. Pick your poison.

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