Category: Dating Advice

Based on the comments, it seems I accidentally picked up a lot of asian male readers here. Not the audience I was originally going for but hey, it’s cool. Hi fella’s.

Since I have your attention let me give you ONE piece of advice for trying to pick up western girls.

Don’t be a pussy.

Okay? It’s that simple.

Maybe you think the western girls are goddesses with leagues of adoring fans and they would never talk to you, a lowly *whatever job you have* so you don’t dare talk to us.

Well, it’s not true. It’s surprisingly hard for us to meet a guy. Guys think we MUST have a bf, or we must get SOOOOO much attention, their effort would be wasted so they don’t even try. And every guy thinks that, so no guys try. And no one talks to us and we think no one likes us.

Maybe you think western women are more “open” and if they like you then they will talk to you first. Well, even me, a pretty progressive modern woman isn’t gonna make the first move. I will wait for the guy to talk to me first.

So talk to us. Don’t be a pussy. Don’t make excuses.

What’s the worst that can happen? We’ll say no? We’ll laugh at you? We’ll ignore you? Fine, yeah maybe those things can happen but does it end the world? Does your soul go directly to hell? Is your name and face immediately broadcast on every television station with the word “Loser” all over it?

No. Nothing happens. If a girl laughs, or says no, or whatever you feel a little embarrassed, a little disappointment but life goes on. No one else knows. She’ll forget quickly enough and so will you.

Meanwhile if you don’t say anything you don’t even have a chance at meeting a girl and all I hear is “Chinese guys don’t like me,” or “I don’t know how to meet any Chinese guys,” from my female friends who are willing to date Chinese guys but never meet any.

There’s no secret formula, no magic words to land a foreign chick in China. All you need to do is talk to us.

It’s that simple, kay?

If you want to be alone and sexless while your in Asia, then just tell yourself that "Asian guys won't ever date me." It's not true, but if it makes you feel better, than by all means keep lying to yourself.

If you want to be alone and sexless while your in Asia, then just tell yourself that “Asian guys won’t ever date me.” It’s not true, but if it makes you feel better, than by all means keep lying to yourself.

I read a recent entry at a blog called The Love Blender. It was about how foreign women are like unseen “ghosts” and have zero chance at finding a Taiwanese guy. Here’s a excerpt:

When this concept applies to Western women’s love life, things get tricky. While Taiwanese girls seem to be incredibly attracted to Western men, Taiwanese guys don’t even dare to look at Western girls. Perhaps they are too shy to approach what they perceive to be a strong, independent Western woman: on top of that, many Asian guys believe that Western women would never consider them as dating material, so they don’t even try.

At the same time, Western guys are busy exploring this new exotic dating world full of beautiful, slim and attractive Asian girls who can’t wait to be asked out by a Western guy. As a result, many Western women feel like they are left with zero dating option: local guys don’t even consider them, while Western guys are focused on local beauties. So whom are Western women supposed to date in Taiwan?

She continues to go on about how western women are all big and fat and no Taiwanese guy will ever want them.

Sigh……

I went to Taiwan for a three-week holiday and I banged TWO Taiwanese guys. I used one of my favorite dating apps, momo, and was overwhelmed with Taiwanese guys chatting with me. Even after the hook-up one guy talks to me regularly and has said he wished he could be in a serious relationship with me. Also, I met a British guy who wanted to get in my pants but I said no. So, In my three weeks I had lots of interest from local guys and foreigners in Taiwan.

 

And, to her other point, I am no small beauty. I’m American, and as such I am carrying an extra 30-pounds on my already, thick, Polish ancestor frame. Nobody has minded. In fact, I think it’s a selling point. There are millions of skinny girls with narrow waists and tiny boobs in Asia. It’s exotic and attractive to us westerners because it is so different. But for most Asian guys it’s the same ho-hum they have seen their whole lives. What there isn’t a ton of is bigger ladies with sensual curves and soft flesh. A lot of guys (asians) like that kind of body because it is something different and special. I know, because they have said as such.

What’s even worse is this girl wrote a scathing commentary about how western women can never find love in Asia, while actually already in a monogamous relationship!

I came to Taiwan with a boyfriend, so I didn’t need to look for a date here. However, I found myself wondering about Western girls who did not move to Taiwan with a partner:are they doomed to romantic abstinence?

So, she’s perpetuating this stereotype while actually having no personal experience?! Gah!!!!

Dating in Asia is just like dating in western countries. Nobody in America has a great dating experience of meeting perfect princes every time they go out. If these women were in their home countries they would say something like “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!” or some other trite saying before going out and meeting more people. They wouldn’t write off, say, every British as undateable and blame British guys for being British as the reason they aren’t having luck.

But in Asia, western women do that all the time. A western women will have a few bad experiences (or no experiences in the case of this woman) and write off an entire race of people as being totally undateable and warning western women they will be lonely, unlovable fat freaks if they come to Asia.

THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!!

Western women, you have some responsibility in dating as well. Maybe it feels better for you and your fragile self esteem to just blame the guys, blame the culture, for not liking you. But the truth is dating can be tricky and you usually date a lot more duds than winners. In any culture. There are some differences with dating in another country, but there are differences in every aspect of living abroad. If you can manage taking taxi’s, ordering food and having a job in another country, then you can manage dating as well.  Stop whining! 

 

Not everyone's cup of tea.

Not everyone’s cup of tea.

Look boys, I’m sorry. It just happens. It’s not right, but it happens.

Truth is that outside of youtube (which have some major asian men presence) western culture in large doesn’t showcase the asian man very well. In TV or movies the asian man is a great nerdy sidekick, solving the difficult math problems, or good at puzzles, but rarely are seen as sexy or handsome.

Even some of the hardcore action stars such as Jet Li and Chow Yun-Fat who play heroic roles and have smoking hot bodies rarely get the girl (and if they do, it’s usually an asian woman). So, in a way you can’t blame a girl for not being attracted to asian guys. It’s mixed in with culture and society pressures and those things need to change before asian guys come off as more desirable.

So what to do? Well, sometimes it’s a losing battle. Some girls are really just not interested. Sometimes a girl will friend-zone you and you’ll never be able to get into her pants. But, for every western woman there is her “first.” The first asian guy she likes, the first asian guy she dates and the first she has sex with.

So, the only method I can advocate is to keep at it. Keep trying. You might not get every girl, but if you keep at it, not being shy, meeting many western women, then you stack the odds in your favor. Plus, you just might convert a girl to Team Asian. Or, that random girl you talk to just might be me.

 

Shanghai

Hi everyone and welcome to Shagging in Shanghai a new blog about a western woman boinking her way around China.

What all this about then? 

Well, there are plenty of blogs by western women who live in China. But pretty much all these woman are looking for love, getting married and living happily ever asian. I’m not. I’m a single, independent woman who loves my freedom but also loves to feel good. So these are all dating stories, things I’ve gone through while not looking for a real relationship.

So you have yellow fever then? 

No, actually not, though the fact that I pretty much only do asian might trick you. I live in China so I’m just enjoying the local flavor. Influenced by the environment if you will. If I was somewhere else this blog would be called Fondling the French or Twerking with the Turks. I’m not totally against western guys, but with 700,000 million Chinese guys to chose from I think the odds are stacked against the fact I’ll do a westerner.

So who are you? 

You can call me Shanghai Sally. Mid-20’s, American. Can speak Chinese. That’s all your getting.

Why so vague?

The internet makes the world a very small place and vague and sketchy personal details makes me feel more free to share some more intimate details onto the digital page. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed about my lifestyle and if you’re my friend, you’ve probably heard these stories straight from my mouth. But I don’t need my parents, or god forbid my grandma, knowing these juicy tidbits are coming from me. I’m a bit of a feminist and while there are a ton of stories of western men’s dirty deeds with chinese women, there are very few about women. Most are about love, relationships, dealing with culture differences and romantic stuff. But I don’t want all that.

I’m not some jilted man-hater, or anything. I’m just fiercely independent. I got plenty of friends to fill the emotional needs in my life, so I just want an occasional fun night out and world-rocking. And I think we need to hear this voice. To get the woman’s side of things and take some of the power out of the man’s hands for once.

There is a pretty strong stereotype here in China that western women are only good to have fun with but when you want to get serious you should do it with a chinese. And I’m sorry to feed into that stereotype. But whateve’s. It’s my life and my choices. If your so terribly offended complain to someone else.

So how many Chinese guys have you slept with? 

More than The Beatles, but less than Super Junior. I’ll leave it at that. While the majority have been Chinese, there are other asian countries thrown in as well.

What do you like about Chinese guys? 

I’m not picky. I’ve slept with guys of all ages, of all classes, all sizes (I’m talking height and build perv). I have just one rule: no students. I’m a teacher, and a pretty serious one too believe it or not, so school campus is a strictly no-fly zone. I’ll admit it’s hella tempting as there are some major hotties here, but I feel that emotionally or experience-wise they’re not ready for me. I only sleep with guys I can leave quickly (like when I’m traveling) or ones I know won’t get emotionally attached.

Can You Speak Chinese?

我会说中文。我的水平不太高但是如果你是中国人和你想问我一个问题然后你可以用中文。没问题。

Anything Else?  Yeah, I just want to offer a disclaimer. When I say “Chinese guys” or “Western women” or “Chinese women” or anything like that I don’t mean ALL of them, ‘kay? Any mildly intelligent person should be fully aware that any culture cannot be summed up in a few words. When I say “Chinese guys,” I mean “some Chinese guys.” The same goes for anytime I say western women, or any ethnicity. For clarity of writing I’m going to paint with a wide brush and edit out as many of the “some’s” as I can. But with every thing I write keep in mind there are always exceptions. I know it and you should too.

And if you have any questions for me, feel free to write. Not sure I’ll always have the answer, but I’ll come up with some bullshit answer. shanghaisallyblog(at)gmail(dot)com.