Category: China

The biggest hurdle I see when dating Chinese guys is age. All Chinese people have big pressure to marry young, so finding a single guy in their late 20’s or 30’s is virtually impossible.

But who the hell wants to date a 24-year-old?! Not me. Blech.

So when I meet a guy on one of those apps and his age is 30, I just kinda assume he’s married. I’m not a homewrecker or anything, but since I’m not looking for a serious relationship I take the “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach.

If a guy is dumb enough to mention a wife, or kids, then he gets deleted. (And what’s with the profile pictures in dating apps of guys with their kids? They think showing what a good father they are is a turn-on to women? Not for someone just looking for a fling it isn’t.)

Wedding stock photo

But if he’s smart enough to keep his answers vague, such as a “I have family in Shandong province,” then I can pretend to be naive and assume his “family” only includes his parents, aunts and uncles.

Cheating is seen differently here. In the beginning I would confront a guy who told me he was married but looking to hook-up. (Now I just delete them and move on.) The majority of times guys responses would be a bit baffled at my anger. “It’s fine,” they’d say. “My wife is in Xi’an/Kunming/Harbin. I don’t see her often.” Or, “My wife knows I have needs.”

And I’ve heard plenty of tales of pregnant women who not only allow, but encourage their husbands to go to prostitutes. “I can’t have sex with him while I’m pregnant and a man has needs, right?” is the sorry justification I’ve heard again and again. (And of course, this whole “acceptance of cheating” only goes one way. If a woman has an affair she is instantly shamed and divorced even if the man was openly unfaithful. Grrrrr. Fucking double standards.)

If I was a Chinese woman, or in a serious relationship that kind of thinking would never fly with me. But as a single woman, I guess it’s a loophole I can take advantage of.

So you either have to date young and inexperienced (and often immature as fuck) single guys, or deal with the fact that you are probably dating a married guy. Pick your poison.

I just read this article about how older women from mainland China are going to Taiwan for a good time and a little nookie with some hot young thang. Yea, you read that right, it’s not the men going to search for a piece on the side, but ladies.

And how awesome is that? Even today many marriages in china are not about true love, but are more for convenience, family obligations etc. And ever since the earliest emperor it’s been a sign of prestige for a man to have many wives or mistresses, but the wife should remain pure.

A picture from the article of Taiwan male escorts.

A picture from the article of Taiwan male escorts.

I know a young couple, in their 20’s who married and had a kid. The man worked out of town, and turns out not only did he have another wife and kid, but a girlfriend in another city too. It wasn’t talked about openly, but everyone knew, including his wife. It was accepted. Meanwhile the girl had a one night stand and her husband divorced her for being unfaithful and she was shamed in front of her family.

Hypocritcal! So I’m glad that ladies are taking it upon themselves to take a little holiday in Taiwan, find some young hottie and have a good holiday. I’m going to guess that these ladies are married to rich men to be able to afford it (and rich men usually mean officials and businessmen who almost certainly have their own mistresses). And the article says they are a little older, so they have probably been stuck in their loveless marriage for years.

Go girlies!

 

Shanghai

Hi everyone and welcome to Shagging in Shanghai a new blog about a western woman boinking her way around China.

What all this about then? 

Well, there are plenty of blogs by western women who live in China. But pretty much all these woman are looking for love, getting married and living happily ever asian. I’m not. I’m a single, independent woman who loves my freedom but also loves to feel good. So these are all dating stories, things I’ve gone through while not looking for a real relationship.

So you have yellow fever then? 

No, actually not, though the fact that I pretty much only do asian might trick you. I live in China so I’m just enjoying the local flavor. Influenced by the environment if you will. If I was somewhere else this blog would be called Fondling the French or Twerking with the Turks. I’m not totally against western guys, but with 700,000 million Chinese guys to chose from I think the odds are stacked against the fact I’ll do a westerner.

So who are you? 

You can call me Shanghai Sally. Mid-20’s, American. Can speak Chinese. That’s all your getting.

Why so vague?

The internet makes the world a very small place and vague and sketchy personal details makes me feel more free to share some more intimate details onto the digital page. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed about my lifestyle and if you’re my friend, you’ve probably heard these stories straight from my mouth. But I don’t need my parents, or god forbid my grandma, knowing these juicy tidbits are coming from me. I’m a bit of a feminist and while there are a ton of stories of western men’s dirty deeds with chinese women, there are very few about women. Most are about love, relationships, dealing with culture differences and romantic stuff. But I don’t want all that.

I’m not some jilted man-hater, or anything. I’m just fiercely independent. I got plenty of friends to fill the emotional needs in my life, so I just want an occasional fun night out and world-rocking. And I think we need to hear this voice. To get the woman’s side of things and take some of the power out of the man’s hands for once.

There is a pretty strong stereotype here in China that western women are only good to have fun with but when you want to get serious you should do it with a chinese. And I’m sorry to feed into that stereotype. But whateve’s. It’s my life and my choices. If your so terribly offended complain to someone else.

So how many Chinese guys have you slept with? 

More than The Beatles, but less than Super Junior. I’ll leave it at that. While the majority have been Chinese, there are other asian countries thrown in as well.

What do you like about Chinese guys? 

I’m not picky. I’ve slept with guys of all ages, of all classes, all sizes (I’m talking height and build perv). I have just one rule: no students. I’m a teacher, and a pretty serious one too believe it or not, so school campus is a strictly no-fly zone. I’ll admit it’s hella tempting as there are some major hotties here, but I feel that emotionally or experience-wise they’re not ready for me. I only sleep with guys I can leave quickly (like when I’m traveling) or ones I know won’t get emotionally attached.

Can You Speak Chinese?

我会说中文。我的水平不太高但是如果你是中国人和你想问我一个问题然后你可以用中文。没问题。

Anything Else?  Yeah, I just want to offer a disclaimer. When I say “Chinese guys” or “Western women” or “Chinese women” or anything like that I don’t mean ALL of them, ‘kay? Any mildly intelligent person should be fully aware that any culture cannot be summed up in a few words. When I say “Chinese guys,” I mean “some Chinese guys.” The same goes for anytime I say western women, or any ethnicity. For clarity of writing I’m going to paint with a wide brush and edit out as many of the “some’s” as I can. But with every thing I write keep in mind there are always exceptions. I know it and you should too.

And if you have any questions for me, feel free to write. Not sure I’ll always have the answer, but I’ll come up with some bullshit answer. shanghaisallyblog(at)gmail(dot)com.